


Goodbye Fucker

by happysadburger



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-23 23:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4896220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happysadburger/pseuds/happysadburger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard had nightmares throughout his life of the girl who needed saving, and the woman who ended up saving him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye Fucker

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos to Claud for the awesome artwork (Does this imply something? Read on.)!
> 
> Also dedicated to the Council of Weida Shepard's Mind. :D  
> Hope you guys enjoy!

 

_Part 1: To my **dearest** little shit_

 

Jack was pacing down at engineering. It was only 48 hours left before they launch "Suicide Mission". With a frustrated grunt she threw a shockwave at the mess of datapads containing the files of Cerberus. The datapads all hit the wall with a resounding crack and broke of into pieces, the same could be said of her makeshift bed. She smiled at her accomplishment.

"Jack I was just given full control to the Normandy, if needed I will lockdown engineering bay and open the airlock." 

Jack looked at up at the ceiling. "Don't worry bitch just blowing off some steam. It barely even made a dent!" She laughed, mocking the AI. EDI's hologram projected itself to Jack. "If you are experiencing abnormal perspiration, I will now contact Dr. Chakwas-"

"EDI SHUT THE FUCK UP." Jack shouted at it. Now she's stomping on the steel floor, pacing again. The pressure was getting to her. She knew this was already a one-way trip. She couldn't survive this. She knew she had limits. Hell, even Shepard can't guarantee her safety.

"Would you like me to contact Shepard? He seems to lessen your violence." 

Jack sighed and sat against the wall. She was tired. Tired of thinking. Tired of  _Shepard._  She still wasn't sure of what they were. He was the first who denied sex from her! The fucker was actually letting her decide how to go about whatever it is they have. And now in just 2 days she might just get killed. It infuriates her that even then she would be undecided until death at the collector homeworld.

But what about Shepard?

EDI's hologram was still present. It looked like it was observing her. Jack looked at the image teasingly. "Enjoying the pity show eh, EDI?" 

"I do not understand your statement." Typical unshackled AI.

Jack thought of Shepard. Jack until a few weeks ago  _never_ thought of Shepard. Fast forward to now and it's making her brain ache. She wasn't used to this kind of thing. This kind of  _affection._  It was eating her up inside. She needed an outlet and destroying the ship wouldn't help. Talking to anyone would just make her destroy the ship. Especially that stuck-up bitch Miranda. God she hated her with a passion. But Shepard is busy right now, preparing for the mission to end all missions. She doesn't want to bother him. 

Cue unshackled AI.

"Why're you still here?" Jack glared at the hologram.

"I am the Normandy now Jack, I am always here." Jack snorted at that. Is the AI actually offering comfort?

"EDI, send a message to Shepard's terminal."  Jack stood up and started cleaning up the mess. 

"What is the message?" 

"I'll tell you in a while, but you can't send it right away."

 

And that was the first time Subject Zero ever got close to confiding with a friend.

 

* * *

_Part 2: **Goodbye** Fucker_

  
The collector base was destroyed and the Normandy was safe for another mission to help the galaxy. EDI then alerts Shepard of something no one knew about.

"Shepard there's a message left for you."

Shepard just got out of the comm room from his 'talk' with the Illusive Man, the asshole. Apparently the bastard is displeased with his dirty work. The stress is finally getting to him.

"EDI can it wait? I have to go back to my cabin." He's had enough for now. The galaxy should be safe for a few hours, right?

"It's a message from Jack, shall I send it to your private terminal?"

Shepard froze at this.

_Jack._

The one who needed saving most. Dead. And it was all his fault.

"Send it."

He went into the elevator amongst mournful stares from his crew. He thought of what happened, why they gave those looks. Shepard the mighty. Shepard the indestructible spectre. Shepard the broken. Shepard the inefficient. Shepard the cold-blooded killer of geth, collectors, and reapers. Self-deprecation at its finest.

He looked at himself, at his glowing orange scars. They were Reminders of the decisions he had to make. The blood he shed for the mission. A total screw-up.

"You're crazy Shepard, that gets me off."

A scornful smile graced his face. Even in certain death she could never really break away from her shell. He was already close to an all access pass- and it was something he'll never get to use.

He arrives at his cabin, closes the door, and gets his datapad. He pours himself a drink and began to read the last words of Subject Zero.

> Hey Shepard,
> 
> If you're reading this... well I guess you can't protect everyone. Your nutcase needs a place to go right? Anyway this isn't what this is about.
> 
> I wanted to thank you. You knew I was a badass bitch hellbent on surviving on my own no matter the consequences. Yet you still tried to wear me down. You didn't want Subject Zero the freakshow biotic murderer. I'm not gonna lie your "Don't worry, we'll get out of there alive!" bullshit almost had me believing. Looks like you slipped up eh?
> 
> Don't worry you little shit, that doesn't mean I hate you. You knew there would be some tough shit to get through once we go to the collector base. So don't go fucking blame yourself. What's done is done; go bang someone for me, alright?
> 
> And you know what, you saved me Shepard. You helped the little girl in Pragia feel loved. Now she isn't alone, and she'll be remembered.
> 
> For fuck's sake- I won't miss a goddamn moment if I could do the same for you.
> 
> I fucking love you asshole. Don't forget that.
> 
> Jack

Shepard had nightmares throughout his life of the girl who needed saving, and the woman who ended up saving him.

* * *

_Part 3: Get **Out**_

_They failed. They couldn't save Earth or the galaxy._

_"The drive core is malfunctioning. Hull is critical. Kinetic barriers failing. Joker, I don't think the Normandy can make it." EDI told the pilot while still swiftly commandeering most of the Normandy's functions in the bridge. Joker was still frantically typing on the console. "We will make it, we can't-"_

_There was a loud explosion, EDI couldn't save Joker. She sprinted out of the room sealed the doors. She saw Shepard still looking at the galaxy map. Seeing the galaxy consumed by the reapers._

_"Shepard you need to get on the escape pods. The Normandy's drive core will implode in a few-"_

_"Back-up the data of the Normandy EDI, then get the hell out of here. Save everyone you see on the way. That's an order." Shepard looked at her intently. His hands gripping the handle tightly._

_"Understood." EDI went to the vents._

_Shepard looked around the Normandy's CIC, his failure. There were bodies in a bloody mess, sparks coming out of consoles. Scattered fires and smoke. It seemed the perfect resting place for the first human Spectre._

_"Shepard you are coming with me."  Kaidan was in his armor, his voice already sound strained. He was reaching out for Shepard._

_"Get out of here Kaidan." Shepard was raising his voice. This was to be his final moments._

_"Commander-"_

_"I SAID GO. There isn't more time, I'll crash the Normandy to Harbinger. Give you guys a chance to escape." He wasn't going out without a fight. Kaidan hesitated but respected his commanding officer's wishes and fled to the escape pods._

_At least he'll see Jack again._

_"Glad you could make it."_

_They were on a beach. Jack was stroking Shepard's hair. He was just wearing his N7 hoodie and pants. No armor, no guns, no Reapers. Just the two of them by the seashore._

_The galaxy wasn't saved. This place would be crowded in a few minutes._

_Jack abruptly stood up. Shepard didn't care the sand was getting in his clothes. He was just there. No galaxy to save. No more murder. No more death. The galaxy didn't need Shepard anymore and he was finally free._

_"It still isn't your time Shepard."  Jack was suddenly covered in blood. The stench of burning bodies. Disembodied screams of pain. Shepard was back at war. He was standing again. His armor scratched and dented. His gun still warm from recent fire. He didn't want this. He knew he was_ dead _. Was this hell? Is this his atonement?_

_"I'm bringing you back Shepard, whether you like it or not." Jack aims a pistol at him. She was tearing up and smiling. She squeezes the trigger._

* * *

 

Shepard woke up panting. He sweated through his shirt, he couldn't breathe well. He looked at his surroundings. The spectre was still in his room. He was feeling a strong grip on his arm.

"Shepard! Thank god you're awake." He felt Kaidan wrap his arms around him and hold him close. His vision was still a little blurry, eyes still dry and straining. 

It was all a dream. The galaxy was safe. Kaidan was still there comforting him. But he wasn't needed anymore. 

Shepard cried into Kaidan's chest and reciprocated his tight embrace. 

"I'm here. I'm here." Kaidan consoled while rubbing circles down his back. He motioned Shepard to scoot over and laid down beside him. 

"It was that nightmare. About her." Shepard croaked, his throat was dry. 

"Dr. Chakwas said it won't go for a while. Your mind is still about the war. It's over Shepard." Kaidan held Shepard closer and let the commander rest his head on his chest. 

Shepard tried to relax. The slow breathing of Kaidan helped him calm himself.

The war was over. There was no need for Commander Shepard. Why can't they just let him go?

"Shut it Shepard, I can hear your whining." Kaidan softly kissed the back of Shepard's head then took a nap.

The commander gave a tired sigh and looked at his husband. The galaxy may not need him anymore, but he knows one person who still needs him alive.

And that was enough. Shepard smiled and drifted into peaceful slumber. 

 _Fin_  


End file.
